Waiting for the DMV to call my name

Either the DMV or the Beetlejuice Waiting Room. Pretty similar

"God is everywhere. Except the DMV. There you're on your own." Josh Peck

I just got back from the Department of Motor Vehicles, or DMV to register my car. I'm not a fan of waiting, and the waits at our DMV can be hours. I got there 15 minutes before opening, and there were already 15 people in line. By the time I got inside every single seat was filled, as they usually are if you go in the middle of the day. Owning a car in our society is pretty much required if you want to work or function unless your city has a decent mass transit system, (which most don't). So why is this licensing system so deliberately shitty?

Making people wait for hours to do something that's such a basic necessity seems like such a waste of time and resources. How many hours of productivity are wasted by people needlessly sitting in tiny waiting rooms? And even when I got waited on, the clerk there took nearly half an hour to type my information into her computer while dozens behind me waited. The inefficiency of all this is mind-boggling.

Such poor service is usually relegated to services that we don't like providing to people, like the unemployment office, social security offices, or public assistance agencies. The goal there seems to shame people and make things harder so they don't raise too much of a fuss. As a CPA, I'm convinced that the entire tax filing system, which goes smoothly in many other countries, is a complex, expensive labyrinth because people think taxes are bad and want to punish those who pay and collect it. But automobiles? I thought operating cars was a good thing. (And by the way I think human dignity requires that we provide good service to everyone, including children, the elderly, and those down on their luck.)

You have to renew your license every few years, and the DMV often requires eye exams and motor vehicle inspections to make sure that you are driving safely. This sounds like a reasonable expectation for any sane society. Just don't make the process so damned inconvenient. Forgot this or that paper? Guess what? You have to go home, find your information, and start waiting all over!

I could think of a lot of things besides cars that need to be more regulated, but that's an entirely different rant for a different day.

I have spent most of my life serving customers one way or another, and the service I get at the DMV is lousy by design. Customers appreciate being served by someone who is both polite and knowledgeable. They don't like to wait if they can avoid it, especially in this fast-moving world. DMV's have too few employees who are not paid well ($17 an hour), and the turnover there is bad because of the negative atmosphere. (You try helping someone who's grumpy after waiting two hours to get seen.) Why can't they just hire more people and get bigger, nicer offices that work more efficiently? Money.

Some have pointed to the fact that as a government agency, they are hemmed in by rules and red tape, and behave this way because that's how all bureaucracies behave. But that argument doesn't work here. In Missouri, my home state, DMV offices including the one I use are privately owned and licensed by the state. Someone is making a profit out of all this misery. And most of us have no choice to use their services because it's the only game in town. That's why you never see any advertisements for the DMV.

I get texts and requests for positive reviews from many of the companies that I use. They want and need my business. The DMV doesn't care, and it's owners make money by providing poor service and raking in commissions on every penny we pay for our licenses. So rather than being an indictment against socialism, as many on the right portray, it's actually an indictment against monopolistic capitalism, which is getting more powerful every year. (Just try to reach a customer service line for any big corporation these days.) It's easier on the bottom line for the rich and powerful if they don't have to give a crap about customer service. Sometimes I think that those at the top like to keep the DMV process miserable to scare us away from wanting any social programs.

Mind you, 2 hours is still better than the 24 hours I had to wait at the emergency room, but that's a different rant that I've already discussed. (click here!) I just wish there were better choices for any service that requires waiting around, so that businesses wouldn't take us for granted.

It doesn't have to be this way. Some states, like Ohio, Illinois and Indiana, have figured out how to make this process more efficient and enjoyable. Many other countries have entered the 21st century and have nothing like the DMV in place. But here we sit, waiting for our name or number to be called, in one of the few places where we have no other choice but to clutch our paperwork and prepare to pay for the right to move about. See you in two years, DMV.

This fall, a new sitcom will debut that makes fun of the DMV. Sounds promising. Here is the trailer.